Monday, April 27, 2020

COVID Journal For a Cold Spring Day

I haven't done a virus journal in awhile, and that's partly due to this experience having become normalized, and partly because my job is keeping me so busy that I am too mentally exhausted to write about what's happening in my life.

Today is the first day of a new term at school, which has me in a reflective mood. This new term means that I don't have a course overload, so I also have some more time to reflect. The weather today is helping, too. It's one of those damp, unseasonably cold late April-early May days. I have a history of choosing to go to baseball games on days like this, when it's so chilly that I don't really want to have a beer. The air feels heavy and full of spring life despite the cold and damp. It brings with it a feeling of rebirth.

Tonight when I put my kids to bed one of my daughters told me this was all "a present, but also a bad present." My daughters both told me that they are enjoying having more time with their mother and I. My wife and I were talking today about how making meals is not the stress-filled ordeal we have accustomed ourselves to. Some parts of this have not been so bad for me. To be honest, I am not enthusiastic about going back to my old routine.

Obviously I want the disease to end, but in my personal life and in the nation's life I do not want to back to the way things used to be. Normal sucked, I am not interested in resurrecting it. At this stage it seems like I am in the minority here. Some of this is just the plain-old ingrained human impulse to fear the new and treasure the secure. I am sure this is some kind of evolutionary survival mechanism. However, a lot of this can be chalked up to a lack of imagination brought on by living a society where we have grown used to hearing "there is no alternative."

While I wish this crisis would make it clear that we need things like universal health care and public utility internet, I know it likely won't change anyone's minds on these issues. However, I can control what goes on in my personal life. I have a better understanding of what matters, and what doesn't. It has been refreshing not only to have more time with my family, but also to avoid unnecessary bullshit. Going forward I have resolved to waste less of my time and effort on things that don't merit them. I'm also going to finally get that tattoo and go to more rock shows. Life is short. At this point I have more yesterdays than tomorrows. Time to start living like I actually know that.

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