What Quarantine Has Taught Me

Every now and then I stop and think about how I have been living in quarantine for over two months. It's been such a long time, but at the same time, as recently as early March my life was going on in its usual fashion. In terms of the number of days, it hasn't been that long, really. But the basic contours of my life have been radically altered.

I spend a lot of time in despair contemplating the deaths, the uncertainty, and the knowledge that years of economic hardship await. I am dying to see my parents and have no idea when that will be a possibility. All that being said, my hour by hour existence in quarantine is far happier than what came before.

The challenge of having to teach online has been an invigorating one to rise to. I have a real sense of accomplishment over having done it. Before quarantine I was afraid that my teaching was getting stale, but now I feel like I have managed to stay fresh.

This transition has meant a lot of work on my part. I work many more hours in the week than I did before. However, I don't mind the tradeoff because I no longer have endure my awful commute. Not only have two and a half hours returned to my life, the stress of making trains, dealing with transit delays, and the overall grind are gone. This experience has taught me what a horrible burden my commute has become on my soul.

During the school year before quarantine I felt like I was about to crack under the strain. What made it worse was seeing my children so little. I would get back at the end of the day feeling completely wiped, spending the two hours before my children's bedtime frantically getting dinner on the table then collapsing on the couch. On those days I felt to tired to actually spend time with my kids. Now I get to see them all day. Despite the annoyance of having to get them to do their school work, I really treasure all of this time with them.

I have learned that my life before quarantine was less than ideal. After that knowledge I really don't know if I can go back to facing Penn Station on a daily basis again. I also don't really know what I can even do with this knowledge, since now is not really a good time to leave a steady job. This is a paradox I am sure a lot of other people are feeling right now.