Friday, May 8, 2015
What Do The Presidential Candidates Taste Like?
The Guardian did a brilliant little piece where one of their writers, going crazy from election fatigue, wrote about what the different candidates for PM "taste" like. A sample: "Nigel Farage tastes like rich fruit cake, the inside of a frankfurter sausage, fried onions, a few peas, a wet tweed jacket sleeve that grinds on your teeth and a dollop of semolina." Just for kicks, I've done my own for the currently declared and likely to declare candidates for president.
Hilary Clinton tastes like roasted kale.
Jeb Bush tastes like caviar and a bland burrito with too much sour cream in it.
Ben Carson tastes like blanched, unsalted peanuts and a mayonaise and onion sandwich.
Bernie Sanders tastes like a big hot bowl of pho with a little extra siracha stirred in.
Chris Christie tastes like a McDonalds cheeseburger that's been sitting under the lamp too long.
Rand Paul tastes like the gyros they have at Applebee's.
Carly Fiorina tastes like the quince log left for last in the chocolate box.
Ted Cruz tastes like a slurry of Sour Patch Kids, Pop Rocks, and Warheads candy.
Marco Rubio tastes like a gas station hot dog washed down with bottled water.
Mike Huckabee tastes like Waffle House.